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Andy and Rico’s Gangster adventures
One day while walking down the street, Andy, a 67 year old, white, wanna be gangster, spied a sign in a shop window. “The Wimbleington regional dance finals - all da best from East to West, get a group or get a life, Friday night at the town square!”

This is my chance, he thought, I can finally show of ma meen dance moves, but I’ll need a group. While walking down to the park, he saw five men dressed as gangsters fooling around. He thought that they might be going to the dance offs too, and decided to go talk to them.

He walked up to the biggest one who was leaning on his car, he had brown eyes, pink hair with white tips and on the back of his jacket was the name Rico. The five men looked at Andy strange as he tried to strut up, he half fell over, regained his balance, and continued. Then he said “Yo wass hangin, you guys enterin da dance finals, cus i wus jus lokin for a crew tu enta, nd yu guys lok pretty hip ti jig, ya no wat im sayin.”

The five looked at each other then burst into laughter, then Rico said “wat da hek are you on’bout old man?” So Andy replied “hey don be dissin, wer al mates here,” he lent over onto the car, “so wha you guys say ya in.” Silence surrounded them, they all looked at Rico, who had a fuming expression on his face, then one of the group spoke out “aint nobody, who touch, da car, but Rico”. Rico pulled the cigarette out of his mouth, rubbed it out on his palm, and said “Ok, I’m gonna give ya one, chance. Get off ov my car and go back to ya old mans rest home... GET!!!”

Feeling depressed he trudged off home and decided he’d just go watch the dance off’s. The next night he arrived at the town square, he found a place on the ground and watched, wishing he was one of the people up there on the stage, then suddenly out of the corner of his eye he saw something move, a little bug flying of the supports of the stage and supports creak slowly downwards, then it clicked it wasn’t a bug it was a bolt, and the supports were now unstable and right above the person on stage. He recognized the pink hair of the dancer, it was Rico. He bolted onto the stage, dived at Rico, and half Tackled him out of the way, just as the supports fell down.

Astonished at his near death experience, Rico looked at Andy and said “whew that was close, I owe ya one” “One” replied Andy “is dat all” then Rico grinned and said “well you did touch my car” and with that the two new friends laughed.

the Rampage of Dr Shmokims.
One quiet day in Cuckoo Land, Prof Flutterby was sitting on his favourite perch, when suddenly the sky went dark. The trees shook with fear, the fish turned belly up, every one was so scared even the mushrooms were wetting themselves. These were dark dark times, quite literally! Nobody new what had happened, nobody except for Prof Flutterby. He knew there was only one super villain who could do this. DR SHMOKIMS! No one but him and Prof Flutterby, knew about the secret that powered the sun. The sun turtle, it is he that makes the sun shine with such warmth and power, and all the sun does is reflect the turtles bright glow. Mr Shmokims has always wanted darkness because it then makes it hunting prime time all the time. With this information set in his head Prof Flutterby prepared himself for the biggest battle in Cuckoo land HISTORY! He fluffed up his wing feathers, gelled down his little budgie head, polished his beak, and grabbed his trusty weapon, THE SPOON OF DOOM.Then he fluttered off. He flew for many a mile, dodging hills and branches and was relieved, to finally find the great tuna tin that marked the lair of Dr Shmokims, which turned out to be just down the road and first house on the left. He sneaked round to the back and used his spoons 1st gadget, the giant can opener. He slowly made his way around the can cutting it inch by inch, before thinking to go through the front door. He searched the tuna can and finally found the office Dr Shmokims worked in, the first one on the right. Using the spoons 2nd ability, turning itself into an axe, he started to hack at the door, which turned out to be titanium. So, he had to use the spoons 3rd, automatic lock picker. Once he finally got in he turned the spoon then realised he had just locked it, and it had been open the whole time. He again unlocked it and opened the door and there stood the terrifying DR Shmokims. But the Professor knew what to do! He used the spoons last ability the water-gun, and squirted it at Dr Shmokims, who like all cats, HATES water. He soon ran away to the microwave and hopped in, and the cunning Professor locked him in there, grabbed the turtle, and returned home in time for dinner.

By Dan Carlisle toc

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The sky has turned a frightening orange, before it was hot pink, to me it looks like someone spilled an awful lot of ink, scientists around the world are trying to make a link, to the fact the sky is orange and before it was hot pink.

Just last week the sky was fine like any other day, now it looks like someone covered us with an orange duvet, no one can work out the reason why it’s gone this way, cause just last week the sky was fine like any other day.

The sky has turned a frightening orange, before it was hot pink, to me it looks like someone spilled an awful lot of ink, scientists around the world are trying to make a link, to the fact the sky is orange and before it was hot pink.

Take me to the moon
Take me to the moon Whisk my thoughts away Fly me into outer space and leave my life for another day

Put me in a rocket Blast me into outer space Take me as far away as you can from the human race

Fire me away Out into the stars Jupiter, Uranus, Neptune ‘n’ Mars, just as long as it’s afar

Take me to the moon So that the Earth ain’t near Take me somewhere far away

Any where but HERE!!!

By Dan


  It was a quiet autumn morning and the sun was filtering through the window. The house was deserted, they were all out doing things, I was alone. With my heart in my mouth I crept up the attic stairs looking to continue the exploration that had been interrupted so suddenly yesterday. Gently opening the door I peered in, everything was still the same, no-one had been up. I breathed a sigh of relief and moved over to the rickety shelves in the corner. A beam of sunlight clawed its way through the high window and shone on the pile of old newspapers I had stacked up by the bottom shelves in an attempt to reach the thing on the top shelf. Some were scattered on the floor where they had skidded when I jumped and ran yesterday. I still didn't know what had made the noise! Gathering the newspapers and courage I gingerly climbed on to the stack - it shook more than a bit. Using the shelves like rungs I was just able to reach the object I had seen. Panic and exertion made my fingers tremble as they hooked at the hard dry surface. Pulling it off the shelf I skied down the newspaper stack and landed in a heap on the floor.The object landed solidly beside me.Looking down I saw it was a very old book with a crinkled and cracked cover. I picked it up and gingerly opened it to the first page. It was covered with dust.

I blew gently and these grim words of warning appeared, “any who dare read the following shall forever unleash a terrible beast, so powerful it will curse the world with its evil’’. O.K I thought, it’s probably part of the story, I might as well read it down in my room, the dim light up here will be bad for my eyes. I closed the book and plodded over to the stairs, turned the light off and closed the door.

I opened the door to my room and jumped onto my bed. I once again opened the cover, aged and crustier than a two week old fish in the Sahara Desert, and turned it to the second page. HUH? it’s .... EMPTY ?!?!? I anxiously flip through the pages and the same appears, NOTHING!

The next day I decided to clean my room, then found the book so decided to put it back. I snuck up to the attic to put the empty book in it’s rightful place. As I approached the door, I heard whispering inside... “Master, I thought you said it was here.” Then replied a booming deep voice “IT WAS, YOU FOOL! Its been moved. Quiet ... I smell human flesh”. I gulped. I backed as quickly and quietly as I could down the stairs and hid behind the corner. I heard the door creak open and then “we should go master before we are dicovered”. An agitated voice replied “well NAH!!”. Suddenly it clicked, the book, thats what they’re looking for. The warning on the front page must be true. But how do you read a blank book??

The thought of the book stuck with me for months. Then one night I was lying in bed, suddenly the window broke open and in front of me stood a huge man in a coat black as night. He towered over top of me then he spoke “where is it?” I stayed quiet as he again asked ”Where is the BOOK. Tell me or I’ll-” I sat bolt upright panting rapidly, whew it was all just a dream. “It wasn’t a dream,” a mysterious voice said, “it was a futuristic vision”. I spun round and looked down, there stood this little dwarf. He raised his stubby hands with the middle fingers down and his outside fingers up, the way punk people do, as he yelled out “wassuuuup”. “HUH?!!! Who are you” I asked. “Me?” Then in a proud voice he said “I am Abus Flufflebum,” and with that I just about wet my pants. “No seriously” I said. “I am being serious, Abus Flufflebum. What you think your names better?” he replied. “Anyway I came here to warn you of grave danger. That book of yours is full of great power and if in the wrong hands it could take over the world. But as you know it’s blank and obviously you need to read it to use it, and to read it you need a goblin as it is written in kilp ink a colour only goblins can see”. “So who was that in my dream?” I asked, “he looked way to big to be a goblin.” “He is Rambus Pooplefling he is a worshiper of the evil spirit. He believes he will recieve huge power if he releases the beast, and no he isn’t a goblin but he does have a goblin midget slave thingy who follows him” he replied “So why don’t we just burn the book then all this will be finished, won’t it?” I curiously inqiured. “The book was made with dark evil and cannot be destroyed easily,” he said, “there is only one way to destroy it. Two days from now it will be the year 2000. You must go to the tip of the volcano Mt Boberson and one second before 12:00 midnight you must hurl the book into the firey depths of the volcano. But until then we must keep it safe. Now quickly before he arrives like in your dreams.” “But what about my family?” I worriedly asked. “Don’t worry about them” the Abus replied, “he wont waste his time killing innocent people,” and with that we left.

We drove out of town and over to Kent park in the outskirts of the neighbouring village, and there they took turns sleeping in the car while the other kept watch. Nothing happened but it was quiet, not the normal quiet, the spooky quiet. In the morning I had the last shift. When Abus awoke he rummaged around in the back, found the book and put it back down, he then pulled out a thermos of something. “You like stew” he said holding it out to me. My stomach rumbled and I replied “damn right I do!” “Here try some its me own recipie,” he said proudly. I grabbed it and opened the lid to be greeted with the most horrific smell EVER! He stood beside me and tried to look over my shoulder, when he worked out he was to short he moved around in front of me, then said “pigs liver with mushrooms and whole garlic cloves, an old dwarven recipe!! I put on a smile and said “actually I think I’ll pass.” My appetite was now completely gone.

After he was finished gulping down the gloop he called food, we kept on the move only stopping to tank up, and for a pie. It was now 10:00pm and dark. People were starting to have their extra big New Year and new Mellenium party. We started driving back into the town, everyone was partying so the roads were just about deserted and as the clock struck eleven, we were on our way to Mt Boberson the local volcano. As we passed a long gravel road, a car pulled out, it had no number plate, no lights and what sounded like a tampered with engine. It followed us where ever we went. We sped up it sped up, we slowed down it slowed down. We soon got suspicious so we decided to test them, we slowed down to a full stop and so did they. Abus pointed out the obvious by saying “its them, it’s Rambus.” We looked at the time 11:30pm, we still have to drive up the mountain and climb to the summit, so we motored off and again, they followed us. We got up as far as we could then hopped out. As their car sped around the corner Abus grabbed the book, let the handbrake off, jumped out and gave the bonnet a push but with no time to watch the cars colide, we ran. Listening to the horrific sound of screaching breaks and crunching metal we thought they must be dead, but still we didn’t slow. After a while of sprinting flat tack we reached a sign saying “unauthorized persons keep out!” We jumped the gate and ran. Again I looked at my watch 11.45pm, I sprinted harder. Suddenly, from out of nowhere came Rambus and his minion sprinting as hard as they could, and gaining! Abus gave me the book and told me to go, I turned around and looked at him, he nodded and I ran. After ten minutes I reached the top, it’s still five minutes to twelve, so I waited. After a minute or two I heard foot steps, not little dwarf footsteps, big human footsteps. Out walked Rambus, “come out boy and give me the book or your midget...” “DWARF” interrupted Abus. “Whatever your friend gets it,” he growled. “Don’t do it kid it’s not worth it,” Abus said. That didn’t matter though I gave in, I handed the book to the goblin who in turn heaved the dwarf over onto the ground then started dancing, saying “I got da boook, I got da boook” Then Rambus said “Now give me the book,” “Just wait” the midget said “I gotta celebrate with dun du du dun, peanut butter” “Give it, and we can rule the world” Rambus said “How can you rule the world with peanut butter, anyway it’s MINE” the midget said. “NOO YOU FOOL THE BOOK!” bellowed Rambus. “Wait I still gotta have my peanut butter” the goblin said. “NOOOOOOO!!!” screamed Rambus. “But it’s CRUNCHY!!!!!!!!!” moaned the goblin. And with that they started squabbiling over the book, getting dangerously close to the rim of volcano. I looked at my watch 11:59:30 “I have an idea,” I said, “ tell me fiveseconds before I need to throw the book in,” “ Now!” he yelled. I gave a great heave and pushed the quarreling baboons into the volcano book and all. As they plummeted to their deaths we started celebrating with the two’s only remnance... PEANUT BUTTER!!! By Dan (4r]1$]3 toc

Nothing Ever Happens When You Travel With Us
“Nothing ever happens when you travel with .” Said Dad as we edged Jo, Dads 16 year old pupil to come with us to her first horse show “OK.” she said although she was soon about to regret it! We set out in a great, blue, artic, Woodville horse truck and a car and horse float. In the truck was Adam my younger brother aged 4, my Dad me and Jo who was travelling with us for the first time, in the car was Nicky my ten year old brother, mum Iona our friends mum and her two younger daughters Jessica and Elizabeth her twin daughters. We set of over the Rimutaka hill then suddenly the truck started to feel strange then “Boof!” a huge cloud of smoke arose from underneath the truck so we tipped the cab and had a look it turned out to be the oil pipe above the turbo had cracked and was leaking into the turbo but what was worse was the nearest mechanic was an hour away, so we rang mum and she came back, took me and left Nicky behind with dad Nicky Jo and Adam. Then As we were going along Iona said I could borrow her horse because our horses were back with the truck. About 20 minutes later there was a big long line and then as we started to move again “screech” we slammed on the breaks just in time to stop behind the car in front who had suddenly stopped, but the breaks weren’t the only sound there was a ping and out flew the tail bar of the float onto the road luckily it didn’t hit anyone so we fixed it and hopped back in the car then mums phone rang it was dad and he said that Adam (my younger brother) was being taken to hospital he had just fallen out the truck and was bleeding out of his ear! It was a quiet trip to the horse show as we couldn’t turn around with the horse so as soon as we got to the horse show mum borrowed the nearest car and rushed back to Masterton hospital while I rode my classes and worried would Adam be ok? All was going well until the last class of the day “Open Hunter Hack” A.K.A. jumping and I had never jumped the horse I was riding before, the first jump he stopped dead in front of it then the second time he went over and put in a little buck at the end and sent me forward flipping onto my butt I walked out then my mood changed from sore to happy Adam had just been let out of hospital the bleeding was just a cut in his ear he was OK!!!

By Dan


 Off the cliff I take a leap, my feathers flow through the icy deep.

Ripples flutter out of sight, water above glitters in the light.

Slowly I swim round and round , I take a breath and dive back down.

Out swims a fish nice and tasty, only I see it, it’s all for me.

As it drifts down to the sea floor, I follow it hoping for more.

I snap at it grasping it tight, wait a minute this doesn’t seem right,

To the top I try and swim, away from this depressing dim.

I see a shape and a quick flash, I swim towards it and hit some glass.


 Am an a zoo you see, outside is where I wish to be,

<span style="font-family: 'Lucida Console',Monaco,monospace; font-size: 150%">
<span style="font-family: 'Lucida Console',Monaco,monospace"><span style="font-family: 'Comic Sans MS',cursive">I’ve spent my life in captivity, my true home is in the sea!

<span style="font-family: 'Lucida Console',Monaco,monospace; font-size: 150%">
<span style="font-family: 'Lucida Console',Monaco,monospace"><span style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS',Helvetica,sans-serif">The weightless clouds drift of out into the horizon, carried by the same gentle breeze that drifts down the endless gullies and over the rigid mountain peaks. What little grass that lies over the vast mountain ranges, sway as the wind gently passes of into the distance. Small collections of water, bound to the mountain tops until such a time that it rises up into the skies and drifts away, ripple in the chilling wind. And as the day goes by a blanket of darkness covers the land hiding these seemingly endless, great, valiant, monuments of time its self. ===<span style="color: rgb(242, 171, 58)"> <span style="font-size: 160%; color: rgb(236, 24, 212); font-family: 'Lucida Console',Monaco,monospace"><span style="font-family: 'Comic Sans MS',cursive; color: rgb(5, 6, 5)">  === toc <span style="color: rgb(242, 171, 58)"><span style="font-size: 160%; color: rgb(236, 24, 212); font-family: 'Lucida Console',Monaco,monospace"><span style="font-family: 'Comic Sans MS',cursive; color: rgb(229, 162, 11)"> ==<span style="color: rgb(242, 171, 58)"><span style="font-size: 160%; color: rgb(236, 24, 212); font-family: 'Lucida Console',Monaco,monospace"><span style="font-family: 'Comic Sans MS',cursive; color: rgb(229, 162, 11)">Baby vs Cat  ==

<span style="font-size: 160%; color: rgb(236, 24, 212); font-family: 'Lucida Console',Monaco,monospace"><span style="font-family: 'Comic Sans MS',cursive; color: rgb(5, 6, 5)">
<span style="font-size: 160%; color: rgb(236, 24, 212); font-family: 'Lucida Console',Monaco,monospace"><span style="font-family: 'Comic Sans MS',cursive; color: rgb(5, 6, 5)"> With a hiss and a screech and the swinging of claws, the kitty was down and the crowd did applause. The super strong baby had it in the master tail lock, but the kitty was smart and he picked up a rock. He heaved the great stone and hit the infant first shot, and with the baby knocked out he tied him into a knot. The baby looked finished, but no not a chance, he untied himself and hit the cat with a vase. This scrap was so tiring they could both fall asleep, they could do it even without the aid of counting the sheep. together they tried to tackle one another, and just at that moment in walked the mother. But they had both gone to sleep holding each other tight, and so the mum decided that they could sleep together tomorrow night!

By Dan Carlisle

<span style="font-size: 160%; color: rgb(236, 24, 212); font-family: 'Lucida Console',Monaco,monospace"> Double Trouble
I counted along the line of people ready to do 2 lengths Freestyle 1,2,3,4,5 and “huh?” “Isn’t there supposed to be six oh yeah that’s me with 2 people on one side and 3 on the other, from one side of the pool I heard the starter “on your marks, get set, GO!” I dived in like a dolphin and set off like a down hill biker without breaks then as I reached the middle I found a medium speed I thought I could keep and kept going, I hit the end of the pool, swung my legs around and pushed of thinking this is too easy then it hit me slowly I tired I started getting out of breath and thought I spoke to soon then I saw the end and with renewed power I pushed my way to the end I had done it I had done it I had swum 2 lengths I lifted my head gasping for air my heart and lungs pounding I pulled my way along the wall to the ladder and hopped out I felt puffed, I felt great.

<span style="font-size: 160%; color: rgb(54, 255, 0); font-family: 'Lucida Console',Monaco,monospace"> Crazy Story
One stormy wet day, the Evil Father Christmas was out fishing in the middle of the ocean in a toilet. The waves were choppy and giant walls of foam rose high above him like a rearing horse. suddenly he felt a huge tug. He reeled it in as the pole bent further and further. It was a chicken riding a bike with 15 wheels. Then suddenly the line snapped. The Evil Father Christmas jumped in after it, forgetting he was still tied to a life line he grabbed the fishing line and tied it to himself and then remembered about the life line! The toilet lent over then splash, it capsized and sank slowly to the bottom of the deep dark sea. The chicken gave up pedaling like it was for his life and decided to go and help the Evil Father Christmas. Suddenly an under water tidal wave hit them at full speed and broke the life line connecting the Evil Father Christmas to the toilet. Together they swum to the uneven surface and gasped for air before the next wave hit them. They stayed out there for an hour at least, then they were saved by none other than the famous baby flying on a mouse to the moon! they flew away faster than a bullet and got dropped off at the south pole were the Evil Father Christmas greedily ate the chicken then died a painful death because the Good Father Christmas had poisoned the chicken before the Evil Father Christmas ate it!

<span style="font-size: 120%; font-family: Georgia,serif; color: rgb(37, 160, 244)">Kleebvle
<span style="font-size: 160%; color: rgb(240, 5, 5); font-family: 'Lucida Console',Monaco,monospace"> First spotted in the early 17th century by explorer Kevin Dunclan, in the Ougadugu forest. By the late18th century the Kleebvle inhabited the most of the Northen Hemisphere. But was soon caused to nearly become extinct and was last seen in the wild in 1924. It is now restricted to captivity in some parts of Europe and East Asia.

The habits of these mammals are eating the Sin-Wing beetle and and certain berries poisoness to most other animals, and in the wild they would groom each other and eat any bugs they found.

If you were to ever encounter one of these in the wild, which is highly unlikley in the not to distant future, they would be absolutely harmless as long as the alpha male believes you aren’t a threat, but if he thinks you are...

YOU ARE ABSOLUTELY STUFFED!!!!